Zee Deveel?

Imagine a darkened alley with brick walls on either side, but that alley is wide enough for two cars to pass by each other without touching. Now, there is a roof over my head, also made of brick. I see a loading dock in the distance, and the alley cuts sharply to the right.

Something strange you should know. I am a midget, and I am a girl. There is another girl midget with me.

So my midget girl self and my tiny friend walk down this creepy alley. The walls appear damp, and I can see little puddles here and there. In front of us there are little creatures no bigger than soda cans. They have beady, angry eyes and two fangs that hang out of their mouths. I should be scared of them, but I'm not. I run up to one and kick it. The creature sails through the air, hits the wall, and vaporizes.

These things creep me out, so I kick all of the until eventually, they're gone. I think there only two, so "all" might not be the best wording. I have made it to the sharp turn at the end of the alley.

Suddenly, I'm myself again. Full grown Adam Dreyer, and my midget friend is gone.

The wall I see has no visible door. For whatever reason, I feel as though if I touch the wall, something will be revealed to me. So of course, I touch the wall.

The glowing shape of a sickeningly skinny man begins to appear in the middle of the wall. He looks like a skeleton, but with skin stretched over his bones. The bricks of the wall begin to fall away to form a circular hole. The devil is standing in the middle of this hole. He turns his back to me and beckons me to follow him. Once his eyes have left mine, he runs faster than anything I've ever seen. He is gone.

I walk slowly into the hole in the wall. The room behind the wall is magnificent. 20 foot archways on pedestals, intricate designs on the walls and ceilings, dozens of different hallways to explore. I stand in this sort of center room, looking at all my options.

I begin to hear disembodied voices. I can't make out what they're saying, but they're calling to me, like they need me to come to them. It's impossible for me to tell where they're coming from, but I know they're in the same building as I am. I stare down the hallway I believe the devil went running down, but I have a terrible feeling that if I walk down that hallway, something bad is going to happen.

In my head I begin to run possible scenarios. Somehow I am able to see some of the creatures lurking in the hallway without being in the hallway with them. Could I fight them? Kill them? Get through the hallway without them noticing my being there at all? These weren't little soda can creatures. These things were as big as lions, cat-like creatures with their skin all peeled off. They did not look happy.

As I'm attempting to build enough courage to storm the hallway, my sister Erin suddenly appears! I'm excited! Now I don't have to go down the hallway alone!

But she won't go with me.

I start to nag her a bit, but she refuses to go, without saying a word. She will not go down the hallway with the creatures, the darkness, and maybe, the devil.

So I wake up.

Andy Braner, First Person Shooter, Laurence Fishburne?

This dream takes place in three different locations.

I'm watching Spiderman 2 with Drew Crowson and someone else. Their face is completely unidentifiable. For whatever reason we decide the movie is miserable and we want our money back. So we walk out of the movie in an attempt to find the manager.

Upon leaving the theater and entering the main lobby, I realize I've left my flip flops in the theater and am now worried about their well-being. But Francine the usher, now aware of my ardent desire to get my money back, simply pushes me along towards the main offices of this complex.

The place is beautifully ornate. Multiple levels of theaters up as far as I can see, making this the nicest theater I've ever been in. Everything is made up of finished wood and glass, with shining metal outlining all the wood. Francine leads Drew and I down several flights of stairs, smiling the entire way. A teenage girl working at the theater sees me and runs into me on purpose, then curls up into the fetal position on the floor as she falls. What the heck?

We arrive at an elevator. I don't know why we just went down dozens of flights of stairs to end up at an elevator, but it happened. As the elevator door opens, tons of beautiful people pour out. Girls in shimmering dresses walk out, draped over the arms of handsome men in tuxedos. I enter the elevator, but Drew doesn't follow me. The elevator is full of beautiful people, one of them being Luke Edgerton. He sure is beautiful.

Turns out the elevator isn't an elevator at all. It's actually a cable car, shaped a lot like a Pepsi can, but without the artwork. The cylinder is yellow, and suddenly my view is that of a bird flying around the cylinder as it is hauled up an enormous hill. Next to the hill is a large highway. Cars are shooting up and down the highway as we head towards our destination.

You might be wondering what the destination of this dreamy cable car is going to be. Welp, from my bird's eye view, I can see it appears to be some kind of industrial park. As the cylinder nears the top, the voice of Andy Braner comes over a radio inside.

Andy: "I've done this a million times on the simulator, and it usually ends up alright".

That's all he says.

I have just come to realize that what Andy meant was he had never docked one of these cars, and we might die. Hmmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

Nobody panics inside the car for some reason. They just maintain happy faces as, from my bird's eye view once again, I see the car swinging out of control around the last support pole. Suddenly I'm back inside the cylinder, and the door is wide open. I'm spilled out on top of at least a dozen beautiful people, all moaning and groaning from our crash landing. I look around and feel like I'm in a warzone. The industrial park is sprawled out around me like some weird level from Metal Gear Solid or something. I start running up around the cylinder and up a hill, which leads me to a sidewalk and parking lot. To my right are a bunch of street lights, and to my left is a strip mall of sorts. Behind me, a few of the people from the cylinder are running with me and laughing, mostly girls.

I looked through the window of one of the shops and noticed it was a bar. A man was playing a piano, and in front of him was a girl on rollerskates, shooting around, serving people drinks and such. The whole place was illuminted by a red light, and nearly everyone in the place was laughing. I continued running forward.

The further I went along the outdoor mall, I began to notice it was becoming more of an indoor mall. The roof was slowly closing over me as I proceeded down this sidewalk, which turned from concrete to tile almost seamlessly.

I approached the front of a store (which again was on my left), where mechanical chimpanzees were taking mechanical dumps and throwing them at each other, and anyone who passed by. I easily ran between two of them and continued into a JC Penny-esque store. I heard screams from behind me, so naturally I turned around. I think the robot monkies were murdering the girls that were chasing me. I turned and ran some more.

Once I entered JC Penny, or whatever weird retail store it was, I began to relax. I started walking through the many snaking walkways that permeated the sales floor. It was quite well lit, and I saw several people engaged in conversations about jeans and socks and home appliances. As I moved further and further along, the store became more of Dick's Sporting Goods type store. I encountered a rack of nice looking Brooks running shoes. They were AWESOME. Better than brand new looking, as though they'd been assembled right there in the store. Weird.

The lights in the place begin to dim the futher I go. Soon I am surrounded by electronics. Televisions, computers, and video games systems are all well let while the walkway I use is progressively getting more and more dim.

I look to my right and see the head of Laurence Fishburne floating above a television. On that TV is the Matrix code, just pouring down the front of the screen at a high rate of speed. Fishburne's head is spinning around in circles, floating just above the TV. I decide this is really weird and push on.

Now things become extremely bizarre. All the lights in the hallway I'm in are out, save two blue tracklights in the ceiling. Everything is illuminated in a dark blue. There are pipes all along the walls, and there are electronics stacked 3 feet high all over the floor. So of course, what would I do other than fly through the hallway?

I'm flying. Flying over vast piles of computers, Xboxes, Playstations and flat screen TVs. I keep hearing clicks and beeps, as though some of these pieces of equipment are on.

To my right I hear a loud clank, the sound of metal hitting metal. I hover and look right into a dark room, barely lit. I see the shadows of several large pieces of machinery, and hear another large clank. I look to my left and see what looks to be a large nuclear reactor down the hall, glowing green with tubes coming out of it. The clank comes again from the dark room.

I decide to investigate the clank. So I float into the room slowly, and the clank happens again. I'm getting closer and closer to the source of the sound, but the room is also getting progressively darker. I hear the sound of metal hitting metal again, and this time I think I see the outline of a man standing behind one of the machines, rigid against the wall. I hear the clank again, and turn to face the entry from whence I had orginially been. The hallway was still a deep blue, with a tinge of green from the reactor. I hear the clank again, turn to see the figure of the man, but he has disappeared.

And the whole room went completely black.

Awake.

Things We Definitely Don't Need

Stupid.

Here's my list.

1. Remote controlled Manta-Ray. Operates in up to 8 feet of water, but you can only be six feet away from it. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose if you're not inside the pool your Manta is shooting around in? How stupid.

2. Electric-powered bumper boats. So expensive, not that fast, super crappy.

3. Anything replicated from a movie, such as Harry Potter wands, a pin that says "I believe in Harvey Dent", or anything that looks like it may have come from Mordor. Nothing makes you more of a nerd than one or all of these things in different combinations. If I ever see a person with a Hogwart's cloak giving out packs of cards made entirely of Jokers and raving about halflings, I'm going to punch them.

4. If I ever see someone with a ramp in their house specifically for their dog to get on the bed or sofa... holy crap, I don't even know.

5. Insert your name on the back of a jersey of a player scoring the winning run, or jumping on the "joy pile" at the end of a big game. HOW STUPID IS THAT. If I saw my last name on the body of someone shaped like Kevin Youkilis, I would piss myself. I should hope everyone else in the room would do the same. My name, on the back of a Red Sox jersey, in the middle of the action. Diagnosis: retarded.

Why do we feel like we NEED all these THINGS?? Andy Braner told it to me best... a buddy of his was driving him along in Durango some years ago and they passed a gigantic mansion overlooking beautiful mountains. Andy marveled at the location and wondered aloud what it must be like to live like that. His buddy simply looked at him and said "Dude, it's all gonna burn".

Ha!

I wish I could live like that. Just make myself do it. I can't though. It looks like I'll have to ask God to change me from the inside out on that one. Hmmm. Change my heart? Again?

Worth a shot.

Anime? Darth Vader? Jason Statham?

I'm standing in a field, and it's super bright outside. The sun is beating me down, and a gigantic robot is crossing the field towards me. It has legs like a spider, and weird half-circles hanging from beneath it. It wants to hurt me, and I want to fight it but I'm too small and weak.

Out of nowhere, Naruto shows up. If you don't know, I watch this anime show called "Naruto". It comes on once a week, online, and it kicks butts. It's the only Japanese animation show I watch. Don't judge me. Anyway... so Naruto is there. He runs in front of me and tells me he'll "handle it". Awesome.

The robot attacks Naruto, shooting some kind of laser thing at him and blasting him back hundreds of yards. The robot is after me again, with Naruto out of the picture. I then get an aerial view of what Naruto is doing. He picks himself up, dusts himself off, yells something at the top of his lungs, and places his hands together as though praying, but with his elbows sticking straight out. All these little red and blue balls start rising out of the ground around Naruto. Hundreds of them. They turn into little darts and start shooting at the robot. The robot is being pummeled ruthlessly, knocked back again and again.

Suddenly the robot lifts off and flies through the air, transforming into some other object. I get an aerial view (in my dream of course) of where the robot is headed. It transforms into the roof of some industrial garage and settles down on top of an already existing garage.

I run to the garage, trying to see what the robot thing is doing. Darth Vader is in the garage, with some other people I don't recognize. He tries to put me inside of some suit that will make me look like him. I try to resist, but it's freaking Darth Vader. He gets everything on me except the creepy helmet.

Flash forward and now I'm in a semi trailer, being followed by a car driven by Jason Statham. Over a hill comes a horde of cars, like in Doomsday, that terrible British plague movie. Jason Statham is laying down covering fire while I think of things to do from the back of the trailer. I unscrew these huge bolts and start throwing them at the cars. The bolts turn into grenades and blow up a few of the cars. Some of them are heavy construction vehichles, just flying all over the place. Jason Statham then runs and jumps into the back of the trailer with me. Our truck is crashing on a draw bridge that is raised up.

We both jump out of the trailer and start running and climbing as it gets steeper and steeper. I pass a lady in her car. She looks at me and says "Who are you running after?"

I wake up.

Coach has a decent role in this one. Also, dogs.

Luke Parrott + dogs = strange times.

So I'm in some stupid sweet mansion, watching someone's dogs. I decide that I need to lock them in a certain room in the house, because... well, because I do. I'm also house sitting with some random girl. Don't know who she is, I can't see her face for some reason.

I get the dogs locked up in this room, put a gate in front of the door leading out of the room, and close the door. Everything seems fine. Then the st. bernard I'm watching decides to smash completely through the gate and the door. The pug that I'm watching follows right behind it. It squeezes under the gate (which didn't break, but the door did. That doesn't even make sense), and fires down the hallway.

I start panicking, because for some reason I need to keep these dogs in the room! As soon as I stand up, I see that I'm completely naked. Oh goody.

Running to the bathroom in the same room, I try to figure out what just happened. The dogs are gone. I was nude in the room with a girl I don't know, and can't see her face apparently. I look down and see a pair of cutoff jean shorts, dark blue wash. So happy at this point. I throw them on, and go out of the bathroom through another door into the hallway where the dogs went.

I run down the hall in my new shorts and try to find the dogs. Descending the staircase, I find myself in a livingroom with a piano and several couches. The big dog is under the piano, trying to hide from me. As I head towards it, Luke shows up out of nowhere with a fleece blanket over his head, screaming "MY BLANKET IS CLEAN!" He runs around the livingroom, up the stairs and disappears.

I wake up.

I wasn't even trapped, holy crap I'm an idiot.

DANCIN' WITH MAH-SEH-HELF OH OH OH

OK... this dream is going to make me look like an idiot, and my dad like a cat lover. We are both neither of these things.

I'm at a house party. Nate Friend is there, and loads of other people from K-CO. I'll divulge identities shortly.

Rap music is bumping (and no it isn't Lecrae or any of that awful stuff). The entire party is pretty much all K-CO guys and girls, except this one girl. Her name is Dana. She is acting super weird towards everyone. She's taking shots of "stuff", and so is everyone else. I have no idea what the stuff is, but no one is drunk. They're just drinking... stuff.

I'm standing in a kitchen with my back to a counter top when Nate Friend and Drew Crowson approach me and start talking with me. About this girl who acting "weird". In real life, Nate seems to know when someone is "weird", so of course this would be no different than in my dream world either. For some reason, the music gets louder, and suddenly a ton of people that Dana "knows" show up on the other side of the kitchen.

Dana is sitting in a chair, doing Algebra homework at a crowded party. Nate and I noticed this and thought it was weird. Seems to be a recurring theme, eh?

Now the other side of the room is teeming with people. All who know Dana. Drew and I hear the music (as if for the first time) and start swayin back and forth in unison. Pretty soon, Nate and a bunch of other people are doing it with us. I see what's happening here. There's about to be a dance battle.

The grossest song ever starts playing. "Oochie Wally" by who knows, because I don't care and I'm not going to look it up. Drew Crowson goes bananas. Dana throws her books down and walks across the room to me, simply says "let's go", and I go. The kitchen, along with the entire house we were partying at, has been transformed into a gigantic dance hall, complete with disco ball and balconies everywhere. We start dancing like crazy people. I'm dancing with my back to her front, reverse grinding across the floor, when she knees me in the butt and sends me flying. I sprawl out across the floor and get ticked. So I run over to her and start grinding with her, dancing furiously. Slowly but surely we move across the whole floor.

At this point it becomes a real battle. She's grabbing my hands and trying to throw me down, as if me hitting the ground indicates that I've lost. So I one up her, and as soon as she knocks me over I start breakdancing. Crowd. Goes. Bananas.

I walk over to a staircase on the far side of the dance hall and go up to a balcony where there is tons of food and more K-CO people. Josh Casey is carrying a conversation with Nate Friend, Luke Parrot and Steve Miller. I decide that I'm hungry, so I climb this weird scaffolding style structure up to a place where there are sandwiches. I start making myself a sandwich on a plate that already has macaroni and cheese on it for some reason. I cover the macaroni with another plate and start assembling my sandwich.

Nate Friend: "You know the food they have here is terrible, right?"

I don't really care, even though Steve is leaning over a railing with his head in his hands. Apparently this is the place he's having his wedding reception, and he's ticked the food stinks so badly. I put a piece of turkey, a tomato, another piece of break, so roast beef, more tomatoes, and mustard on my sandwich. I spill mustard EVERYWHERE, all over my arms. I realized I'm wearing my white basketball shorts, and I immediately became concerned I would get mustard stains on them. So I walk (somewhere) and throw them under a porch. For safe keeping apparently.

I realize I need my shorts back, as now I'm not wearing pants. What the heck.

So I run down a flight of stairs to a door, open it and it takes me under the porch. I get my shorts, throw them on, and see something else under the porch, much farther away. It's a dufflebag, and it's full of my stuff. So I go crawling on my hands and knees to retrieve the bag. Pretty soon, I'm stuck under the porch.

I see Josh Casey from under the porch. I start yelling at him to help me get out. The holes that lead under the porch are too small for me to squeeze through, and the only one that might be big enough to get through is covered in spider webs, spider eggs, spiders, etc. Gross. Josh leaves, but never comes back. So I'm laying on this dirt floor. It has become night time, and it's nearly impossible to see anything without the help of the two very dim lights installed in the bottom front side of the porch.

After I wait for what feels like several hours, I look to my right and realize there is a door. The same door I used to get under the porch in the first place. I'm an idiot. So I walk out the door, and up the stairs. At the top of the stairs I run into some random girl, who politely smiles at me and goes up another flight of stairs. I find two halves of a ping pong ball on the floor and pick one of the up.

As I walk around the front side of the porch, I'm suddenly inside. Huh. The house I've walked into has nice hardwood floors. For all I know, this could be the house that started out in my dream with the party. I hear that sound cats make when they're fighting, and two felines fly out of the nowhere. One of them is making crazy noises, and the other one is just chilling. Not too worried about the other cat I guess.

I throw that half a ping pong ball at the crazy cat and nail it, sending it running. I walk through some nice wood and glass doors and hear my father's voice. As I turn the corner into the room, I see my dad at a desk, with papers piled high. There's water all over the floor.

"What the heck!" I say to all that water. I should have said "Look at all the water around".

"Oh yeah, my cat did that" says my dad. He hates cats in not dream world. So do I.

Turns out my dad is talking to my little sister on the phone. He tells her that I'm there, and then hands me the phone because she wants to talk to me. So I take the phone and say "Hello!"

Nothing.

I ask her how her boyfriend Jon is doing.

No response.

I think about whether or not I can call him "Jonny".

Then I woke up.

John C. Reilly?

I'm standing in a street with buildings on either side of me. The street moves rather slowly down a hill. Suddenly I'm on the back of a cart being pedaled down the hill. There are cars passing by us on the right. We (the person pedaling the cart and myself) pull up into a right hand turn lane next to a man driving an ice cream truck.

Man in ice cream truck: "You'll never outsell me!"

John C. Reilly: "This Rolling Stone ice cream is the best, there's no way we won't make a killing!"

Man in ice cream truck: "It's way too hot out there! All your Rolling Stone pops will melt!"

This goes on for a few seconds/minutes/hours. John C. Reilly is pedaling the cart around the corner, and I'm jumping up and down on the back of the cart to make it do wheelies for some reason. The cart flips over, and John C. Reilly starts crying, because all the Rolling Stone ice cream is everywhere in the street, and it's ruined. We can't sell it any more.

Yes, the Rolling Stone ice cream was the heads of the guys from the Rolling Stones on wooden stick, with gumball eyes and everything.

Awake.

...also, the President of the United States got a Portuguese water dog. Those things couldn't look dumber. I know they're supposed to BE smart, but they look retarded.

I also heard about a lady who willingly jumped into a polar bear tank. WHY DID ANYONE RESCUE HER?

Thoughts?