I don't know where to begin this thing... things that have happened in the past couple days/weeks are starting to wear me out a little bit.
One of my small group guys, Luke... his dad died, on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving! Why God? Why did that have to happen on a day devoted annually to family, love, and... well, thanksgiving?
Luke, Rat and I went to Ben Graebel's funeral. The guy was only 53 years old, five years older than my father. The church they held the ceremony in was packed out completely, with standing room only outside of the sanctuary. I was pleased to see that he had touched so many lives that deeply. Still, the question remained in my head: why? Ben's 10 year old son Will asked the same question in a letter he had written to his father, read to the audience at the end of the ceremony. Why?
Today... I found out a guy who grew up in the same town as myself, Rob Theori, whose older brother is my age and graduated in the class of 2001 from Pinkerton Academy with me, died in a car crash last night. On the road I grew up on. Maybe even on the curve my mom and dad decided to build their house. Rob was only 22. The guy he was with died too. They were speeding and lost control of Rob's BMW. The car hit a tree and literally split into two separate pieces. Why? Why did Rob have to die at 22? For a goofy decision like speeding?
I'm off on this kick again, wrestling with relationships. I've been reading and studying and memorizing 1 Corinthians 13, which was kind of the battle cry from kamp out in Durango this summer. "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or clanging cymbal". Love is something I've struggled with time and time again. It's making me crazy. Lust is not love, yet it lives in my heart and desires to drag me into sin, which in turn wants only for me to die. Love lives in my heart too, but I don't feel like real love can live with lust in the same place for very long.
Which brings me to the point I'm... sort of trying to make. I'm sick of hurting people with my inability to love them the way God does, and I'm putting myself in a position again to either get it right and see what happens or screw it up and become insane once more. After all, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, right? I need to know how to love something more than myself. I would almost vouch for hating myself, if that wasn't so darn narcissistic.
I want to love like the love demanded of me in 1 Corinthians 13. I just don't know how. Yet.
I'm working on it. Be patient with me. I just want to know why it has to be so hard.
I want to know why Ben Graebel and Rob Theori had to die the way they did.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Family Times, pt. 2
Erin got in on Wednesday night around 9:30pm Central Time. Awesome. Yeah I know it’s Friday, but we’re just running down the events of Thanksgiving. You’re welcome.
Erin and I had to share a room at the Worley’s (Beth’s parent’s house), which was kind of fun because we got to talk a little bit. I told her she could use my computer if she wanted slash needed to. I woke the next morning to find her on it... looking at engagement rings.
Holy crap.
My little sister, the princess of my house growing up for as long as I could remember, the one who ran to me when boys were being mean, the one I taught to throw a football properly... looking at engagement rings. She said “I love you” to her boyfriend John on the phone when she was talking to him later on Thanksgiving Day. She’s been dating him for 10 months now. Erin has never dated a guy that long. Sheesh.
On top of all this, before Jake and I shot to the airport to get Erin I got to meet a lot of other friends and family from Beth’s side of the family. All of them were either engaged or married, many of them younger than me.
So of course, I started to get bummed out.
Then on Thanksgiving, I met even more young couples either engaged to be married or already married. This wasn’t all that big a deal, mainly because I was there to hang with Jake/Erin/Beth. We played football (Jake and I were on the same team, so of course we won. Boldin/Fitzgerald have nothing on us ;) ), ate ridiculous amounts of food, drank Dr. Pepper until we smelled like DP, and of course, watched football.
I got into bed last night and started thinking about my lack of a significant other. Bad idea.
After laying in bed for a while feeling sorry and stressed out, I just passed out. I was exhausted from being social, playing football, and being such a pathetic wreck on my own in my bed. Lame.
When i got up this morning, Nancy (Beth’s mother) had prepared two verses for Erin and I and wanted us to hear them. So I sat down with a cup of coffee around 11:00am and just listened. I knew something was up. I had gone to bed feeling miserable inside about how I was supposed to enjoy my relationship with the Lord while simultaneously not feeling jealousy towards my friends and family who were both satisfied in Him and their earthly companion.
Nancy gave me Ephesians 2:10. God... is too good to me, and too good to us on the whole I suppose.
“It is God Himself who has made you - and who has made you what you are - and given you a new life in Christ Jesus and long ages ago He planned that you should spend your life in helping others.”
If this gives you encouragement, awesome. If it doesn’t... well, don’t worry about it. The wisest words one can speak come from the Bible. Get into it, and let the Lord speak to you. If you’re lucky like me, maybe someone will speak those words to you and act as a medium for revelation. Or you could be that person to reveal something to someone in God’s name.
It might sound nerdy, but look at your Bible tonight and make some time to get into it.
Love.
Erin and I had to share a room at the Worley’s (Beth’s parent’s house), which was kind of fun because we got to talk a little bit. I told her she could use my computer if she wanted slash needed to. I woke the next morning to find her on it... looking at engagement rings.
Holy crap.
My little sister, the princess of my house growing up for as long as I could remember, the one who ran to me when boys were being mean, the one I taught to throw a football properly... looking at engagement rings. She said “I love you” to her boyfriend John on the phone when she was talking to him later on Thanksgiving Day. She’s been dating him for 10 months now. Erin has never dated a guy that long. Sheesh.
On top of all this, before Jake and I shot to the airport to get Erin I got to meet a lot of other friends and family from Beth’s side of the family. All of them were either engaged or married, many of them younger than me.
So of course, I started to get bummed out.
Then on Thanksgiving, I met even more young couples either engaged to be married or already married. This wasn’t all that big a deal, mainly because I was there to hang with Jake/Erin/Beth. We played football (Jake and I were on the same team, so of course we won. Boldin/Fitzgerald have nothing on us ;) ), ate ridiculous amounts of food, drank Dr. Pepper until we smelled like DP, and of course, watched football.
I got into bed last night and started thinking about my lack of a significant other. Bad idea.
After laying in bed for a while feeling sorry and stressed out, I just passed out. I was exhausted from being social, playing football, and being such a pathetic wreck on my own in my bed. Lame.
When i got up this morning, Nancy (Beth’s mother) had prepared two verses for Erin and I and wanted us to hear them. So I sat down with a cup of coffee around 11:00am and just listened. I knew something was up. I had gone to bed feeling miserable inside about how I was supposed to enjoy my relationship with the Lord while simultaneously not feeling jealousy towards my friends and family who were both satisfied in Him and their earthly companion.
Nancy gave me Ephesians 2:10. God... is too good to me, and too good to us on the whole I suppose.
“It is God Himself who has made you - and who has made you what you are - and given you a new life in Christ Jesus and long ages ago He planned that you should spend your life in helping others.”
If this gives you encouragement, awesome. If it doesn’t... well, don’t worry about it. The wisest words one can speak come from the Bible. Get into it, and let the Lord speak to you. If you’re lucky like me, maybe someone will speak those words to you and act as a medium for revelation. Or you could be that person to reveal something to someone in God’s name.
It might sound nerdy, but look at your Bible tonight and make some time to get into it.
Love.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Jake invited me to play basketball at a church with some guys (it actually turned out that half the guys in the pick up game where Asian, but they could drain 3 pointers like nobody's business haha), and we got to play like 5 games before Jake strained his quadriceps. Anyway.
We were in our 4th or 5th game and this really big guy joined the other team. He was probably 6'2" or 6'3", and could almost dunk. Well Jake's friend Corey was playing defense on him, and he was no bigger than I am. This guy was kicking Corey's butt, to the point where Corey wasn't even stepping out to defend him and just letting him shoot wide open shots.
I decided something needed to be done, so after the big guy shot and scored another wide open three, I told Corey he needed to step out on the guy and contest his shot so it wasn't so easy. This, apparently, was not the right thing to do. Corey got upset and started telling me that the guy would just run around him if he got close. So I offered to switch guys and defend the tall guy. This was also a bad idea.
Corey grabbed the basketball and threw it at me, so I caught the ball and told him to calm down. Another bad idea. Corey was walking at me and posturing like he needed to assert himself as the king of the court of something. I didn't back down, but just smiled and told him to take it easy. Jake got in between myself and his friend, and Corey started calling me an "asshole" and told Jake that he thought I was one of those several times.
When Jake told Corey that in reality, he was the one being the jerk, Corey couldn't believe it and walked off the court to get his stuff and go home. No one really knew what to do at that point because now we were down a player, and I was kind of embarassed because I had a part in setting him off.
Point is I guess... I didn't do anything aggressive towards this guy. I always talk about people talking smack and getting aggressive with me and how I would deal with it (with aggression and counter-smack), but I didn't. I just let things happen and didn't raise my hands. I don't know. Maybe God's doing more work on me than I'm capable of seeing. I kind of hope that's the case.
We were in our 4th or 5th game and this really big guy joined the other team. He was probably 6'2" or 6'3", and could almost dunk. Well Jake's friend Corey was playing defense on him, and he was no bigger than I am. This guy was kicking Corey's butt, to the point where Corey wasn't even stepping out to defend him and just letting him shoot wide open shots.
I decided something needed to be done, so after the big guy shot and scored another wide open three, I told Corey he needed to step out on the guy and contest his shot so it wasn't so easy. This, apparently, was not the right thing to do. Corey got upset and started telling me that the guy would just run around him if he got close. So I offered to switch guys and defend the tall guy. This was also a bad idea.
Corey grabbed the basketball and threw it at me, so I caught the ball and told him to calm down. Another bad idea. Corey was walking at me and posturing like he needed to assert himself as the king of the court of something. I didn't back down, but just smiled and told him to take it easy. Jake got in between myself and his friend, and Corey started calling me an "asshole" and told Jake that he thought I was one of those several times.
When Jake told Corey that in reality, he was the one being the jerk, Corey couldn't believe it and walked off the court to get his stuff and go home. No one really knew what to do at that point because now we were down a player, and I was kind of embarassed because I had a part in setting him off.
Point is I guess... I didn't do anything aggressive towards this guy. I always talk about people talking smack and getting aggressive with me and how I would deal with it (with aggression and counter-smack), but I didn't. I just let things happen and didn't raise my hands. I don't know. Maybe God's doing more work on me than I'm capable of seeing. I kind of hope that's the case.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Family Times, pt.1
Just got to Dallas, TX last night. My brother Jake picked me up in his Kia sedan and proceeded to take me on a crazy trip through snaking highways and tollways. I'm pretty sure we hit 65 mph going through an automatic toll, which was bizarre to me because I'm used to stopping at a toll and dropping .50 cents in a bucket. Needless to say, it was a great ride from the airport. Lots of catching up, laughing, and goofing off. Grabbed some Cici's Pizza buffet as well. Per usual, Jake ate too much cheesy bread. Dude loves his cheese for sure.
We drove by his old apartment in creeperville before finally getting to his newer, nicer place to watch some Monday Night Football and goof off some more. Jake's wife Beth was out and about doing a photo shoot with a family. Beth had my nephew Shepherd with her, but as soon as she and Shep came in I got to see a side of Jake I had never seen before.
My brother is a lot of things to me. He's an athlete for one thing. Some of our conversation last night involved our athletic endeavors of the past couple of years. I told him about having played soccer on the professional pitch at Dick's Sporting Goods Park in Denver, and he told me about the last time he played tackle football and how sore he was as a result.
My brother is also a husband, having been married to his wife Beth since March of 2006. It wasn't even that weird to see him get married right before my teary eyes (yes, I cried at Jake's wedding, I'm a huge sissy). He and Beth go together great. I've gotten to hang out with Beth a few times, and I'm really glad she's part of my family.
I haven't ever known my brother as a dad though. When Shep came in, Jake was still hilarious. He just turned his attention to his son and Shep was happy to recieve it. I was so happy to see the interaction between a father and his son... it was just weird to see it with Jake. I'm glad he's got Shepherd and Beth in his life.
Shep did take a little while to warm up to me, but after I let him play with my phone and computer (which was probably not a great idea, somehow he almost shut it down by just pushing random buttons, and keep in mind he's only 15 months old). This morning he crawled into my lap while I was sitting on the floor and just sat there scratching my leg with his little baby fingernails. Hilarious.
One of these days... huh.
Erin (my younger sister) will be here Wednesday night. Jake and I are going to pick her up from the airport. Gah! I can't wait. I don't even remember the last time all three of us Dreyer kids were all together... probably Thanksgiving 2006 or something. My memory is terrible at the moment for some reason. Needless to say I'm stoked to be with Jake, Erin, Beth and her younger brother Ben for the next couple of days. People I love and haven't seen in a while.
I hope you're making the most of the time you're spending with family and friends right now.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
So worried about the dumbest stuff.
Why can't we look to leadership that actually stands for something good? Leadership that won't make up stuff, that keeps "promises", that says one thing and then does it?
We have a leader that can do that. His name is Jesus. Duh. It makes me nuts that everyone gets upset about such black and white issues like how to spend money, who to treat equally, what places we should be spending most of our time. Why don't we just look out for each other, buy what we need and give away what we don't? Why do I waste my days occasionally just doing nothing in particular, wasting my time, doing whatever I want, disregarding my friends and my Lord?
The vice-presidential debates tonight were miserable, at least for the first 5 or 10 minutes I could handle watching them. Palin said "corruption on wallstreet" something like 8 times. What does that even mean? The sounds coming out of Biden's mouth reminded me of a pack of wolverines trying to tear through a chain link fence. Straight political aggression just spewing out. This person can do a better job than that person because of this reason.
Jesus laid things out pretty well. Love God, love others. Now we have to politic, prance around and say all this crap to get people to believe us, believe that we, fallable human beings, can possibly make the kind of national and international decisions that affect people everywhere. Can't we keep things simple...
Just love. We miss out on that so stinking much, because we get wrapped up in our lives, the lives that were given to us by God Himself, that we think we can control. We move through our so called lives, filling them with stuff! Stuff that distracts us from what God's plan is calling us to do. Stuff that pushes us closer and closer to loving ourselves and only ourselves, and moves us away from loving others and serving God. He gets pushed out of our equation every day.
Christ is the one we should be following, not the freaking talking heads on the television worried about foreign policy and where we'll get our energy for the next 50 years. That's not to say those things aren't important... but when we get the little things and the big things mixed up, life gets a whole lot more difficult and complicated.
Andy Braner once put it to me and whole bunch of other cats at K-CO like this... if you fill up a pitcher with say, 5 big rocks, 25 pieces of gravel, and a bunch of sand, what's the best way to do it? If you put the sand or gravel in first, then try to cram the big rocks in, they'll be pouring out of the top, and chances are only 2 or 3 of the big rocks will be inside the pitcher.
My friends are one of my five. My family is one of my five. School is one of my five. God is one of my five. Music is one of my five. I think school and music, and maybe even God sometimes, might not be fitting in my pitcher. So many other stupid things are fitting in this pitcher that aren't (in the grand scheme of things) important. If I put those 5 things in first, then the gravel, which will fill in the crack between the 5, then the sand, which will fill in every other crack, I might even have space at the top of my pitcher for something else.
The important stuff has to happen first. Loving God and loving others, not struggling to convince other people that we know what's right and what's wrong. The truth is, if our leaders aren't being lead by something good, then the only direction we as a country and as a people have to go is... I think you have the idea.
Geez, I'm sick of this politicking. I'm not telling anyone how to live their life... I just know that life gets a lot easier when we stop making such a big deal about little things. Like freaking video games and fantasy football. I'm an idiot.
Love you guys.
We have a leader that can do that. His name is Jesus. Duh. It makes me nuts that everyone gets upset about such black and white issues like how to spend money, who to treat equally, what places we should be spending most of our time. Why don't we just look out for each other, buy what we need and give away what we don't? Why do I waste my days occasionally just doing nothing in particular, wasting my time, doing whatever I want, disregarding my friends and my Lord?
The vice-presidential debates tonight were miserable, at least for the first 5 or 10 minutes I could handle watching them. Palin said "corruption on wallstreet" something like 8 times. What does that even mean? The sounds coming out of Biden's mouth reminded me of a pack of wolverines trying to tear through a chain link fence. Straight political aggression just spewing out. This person can do a better job than that person because of this reason.
Jesus laid things out pretty well. Love God, love others. Now we have to politic, prance around and say all this crap to get people to believe us, believe that we, fallable human beings, can possibly make the kind of national and international decisions that affect people everywhere. Can't we keep things simple...
Just love. We miss out on that so stinking much, because we get wrapped up in our lives, the lives that were given to us by God Himself, that we think we can control. We move through our so called lives, filling them with stuff! Stuff that distracts us from what God's plan is calling us to do. Stuff that pushes us closer and closer to loving ourselves and only ourselves, and moves us away from loving others and serving God. He gets pushed out of our equation every day.
Christ is the one we should be following, not the freaking talking heads on the television worried about foreign policy and where we'll get our energy for the next 50 years. That's not to say those things aren't important... but when we get the little things and the big things mixed up, life gets a whole lot more difficult and complicated.
Andy Braner once put it to me and whole bunch of other cats at K-CO like this... if you fill up a pitcher with say, 5 big rocks, 25 pieces of gravel, and a bunch of sand, what's the best way to do it? If you put the sand or gravel in first, then try to cram the big rocks in, they'll be pouring out of the top, and chances are only 2 or 3 of the big rocks will be inside the pitcher.
My friends are one of my five. My family is one of my five. School is one of my five. God is one of my five. Music is one of my five. I think school and music, and maybe even God sometimes, might not be fitting in my pitcher. So many other stupid things are fitting in this pitcher that aren't (in the grand scheme of things) important. If I put those 5 things in first, then the gravel, which will fill in the crack between the 5, then the sand, which will fill in every other crack, I might even have space at the top of my pitcher for something else.
The important stuff has to happen first. Loving God and loving others, not struggling to convince other people that we know what's right and what's wrong. The truth is, if our leaders aren't being lead by something good, then the only direction we as a country and as a people have to go is... I think you have the idea.
Geez, I'm sick of this politicking. I'm not telling anyone how to live their life... I just know that life gets a lot easier when we stop making such a big deal about little things. Like freaking video games and fantasy football. I'm an idiot.
Love you guys.
There's a time to fight, believe it or not.
I have recently come to the realization that I hate war. I absolutely despise it. I abhor it.
For some reason, I supported the presidents decision to go into Iraq and bring down Saddam. I figured what could be the harm in taking out a known tyrant? That kid in the picture up there, with tubes running out of his body, there's the harm. The man with the desperate look on his face, probably running to get help. This image sucks.
My great friend Carolyn Wanberg told me the other day that someone had gotten shot near her house. She initially told me at was a pellet gun, then it changed to an actual firearm. She asked me to pray for him, so of course I did. What the heck!
For those of you who know me pretty well, you know I talk about fighting sometimes. I boxed a little at kamp this summer and some of my kampers wanted to box with me. It's alright to defend yourself as far as I'm concerned, especially if some maniac just runs up on you and tries to mess you up. I'll fight anyone who comes up to me with the intention of hurting me. I feel like I should never start a fight, but always end it.
I don't know why I think that way. I just do.
I hope nobody thinks I'm a crazy person. I'll be honest... I let my old roommate David punch me in the face just so I'd know what it felt like. The last time I was in a fight, it wasn't even a fight. Some random 16 year old kid blindsided me while I was sitting in my buddies car, all because I told him earlier to step off for posturing at a gay friend I had in high school.
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's our intolerance, our fear of things we don't understand that leads us to become violent. There are certainly instances where violence can only be returned with violence... I'm not trying to walk away from someone trying to kick the crap out of me. Anyway... we need to stop being so intolerant. Why should we be afraid of people who are different than we are? If we're following in the footsteps of Christ, or at least walking along with Him, then we won't get anywhere being afraid of "different" things. Christ was hanging out with tax collectors, who were practically robbers back in the day. Jesus was kind to the Samaritans, who everyone regarded as crazy people. It doesn't matter if you're from Iraq, China, Russia, wherever. We're different colors, nationalities, and different believers.
Forget fear; we have the opportunity to serve an omnipotent God. Christ came to change the world; He's calling us to live a "different" lifestyle anyway. Don't harbor hate for your brother, and don't talk behind the back of your sister. Let's just love man. Unconditionally. That's the same love Christ poured into thousands. There's nothing greater.
...but seriously, I love a good fist fight. Just gets some stuff out, ha!
Love.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The desperation of America's high school goobers
Kira Weiland decided that I needed to hear this song by David Archuleta called "Crush", which I don't understand. I could have gone my whole life without hearing this song, as I've already heard several hundred different versions of it, including but not limited to Dashboard Confessional's "Screaming Infidelities". That song is amazing, by the way. I could play that song for any high school guy or girl 20 years from now, and by the end of it they would either:
a. have goosebumps
b. be crying
c. start talking about some failed relationship
This song "Crush" by Archuleta is essentially the same idea. He's digging on some girl, she doesn't know apparently, and he doesn't know how he's going to relay this information to her.
As soon as I figured out this premise, I got goosebumps. Needless to say, I'm a little ticked about it. The music isn't good, and certainly isn't something I'd ever spend more than 15 seconds of my life listening to. I hate this type of music. But something in me was crying out to comiserate with these lyrics. Why?
I'm still at a point in my life where I feel a desperate need for relationship with someone else. That doesn't make sense to me though, because I know that I don't NEED any relationship other than the one I have with Christ. How the heck can I let something as trivial as a physical relationship with a woman compromise the relationship I have with the savior of my freaking life? And when I say physical, I mean actual, like something someone other than myself can see, not having sluber parties with your girlfriend. That never got me anywhere good anyway. It certainly didn't improve my relationship with the Lord, since I was way too busy pleasing and serving myself and not Him.
I see all these kids, high school kids, at the mall I work at. They hold hands and kiss and laugh and goof off. They think the books with sexual names are hilarious. I saw a girl just staring at her boyfriend while they were walking hand in hand, a huge smile on her face. What makes them so happy? Is it ignorance? And if that's the case, is that ignorance based in a lack of knowledge of the true love that comes from the Lord? I know a lot of high school guys are only thinking about one thing. I was one of those guys. Sometimes, I turn into that guy. I never chose to shut it off in high school, because all my buddies were pursuing some feeling or moment to brag about later. Why are we so crappy to women as men? Why do women let us do it to them?
We as people need to desperately seek to love one another the way Christ loves us, and we need to do it now. Those songs, from the likes of Dashboard 10 years ago and David Archuleta today, might express the feelings we have for others accurately, but they just amplify them to the point of despair.
So don't cry if you don't get the girl. I'm 26 and still don't have the girl. I've thought I had the girl several times in the past, only to get stuck listening to the love mix CDs I made them a few months before. I met a man tonight at work who was buying a boatload of clothes for his daughter. I asked him what his plans were tonight, just to strike up conversation while I ran up nearly $250 in clothes.
"Oh, not too much. Just going home to see the love of my life."
Huh. Wasn't expecting that.
"Really? That sounds awesome man", I said rather unconvincingly. I smiled at him, but was a little jealous of him, until he dropped this one on me:
"Yep, waited 43 years for her."
Sheesh! 43 years!? Are you kidding me?? High school kids, you get all bent out of shape. Your girlfriend of 6 months dumps you and you freak out, acting like you'll never get another one like that.
a. chances are, you won't
b. that's just fine
Don't try to control your life, or your relationships. Live in love, and God will return that love to you. It'll happen one of these days. If you're waiting on anything, waiting on the Lord is pretty alright to do. And by pretty alright I mean probably better than waiting on winning lottery tickets. Don't think that God doesn't love you if you haven't got someone in your life on a romantic level. Just let it happen man. I had to deal with it all summer, and I'm still dealing with it on some level. But I never turned it into some miserable song that everyone ages 15-35 can relate to on some superficial, hyper-emotional level. Just let it go.
In other news, I'm not entirely sure about what I've just written. Feel free to comment away about it. It's ridiculous, and it's midnight. Also, I love you. Unconditionally. Ha! Heeya.
a. have goosebumps
b. be crying
c. start talking about some failed relationship
This song "Crush" by Archuleta is essentially the same idea. He's digging on some girl, she doesn't know apparently, and he doesn't know how he's going to relay this information to her.
As soon as I figured out this premise, I got goosebumps. Needless to say, I'm a little ticked about it. The music isn't good, and certainly isn't something I'd ever spend more than 15 seconds of my life listening to. I hate this type of music. But something in me was crying out to comiserate with these lyrics. Why?
I'm still at a point in my life where I feel a desperate need for relationship with someone else. That doesn't make sense to me though, because I know that I don't NEED any relationship other than the one I have with Christ. How the heck can I let something as trivial as a physical relationship with a woman compromise the relationship I have with the savior of my freaking life? And when I say physical, I mean actual, like something someone other than myself can see, not having sluber parties with your girlfriend. That never got me anywhere good anyway. It certainly didn't improve my relationship with the Lord, since I was way too busy pleasing and serving myself and not Him.
I see all these kids, high school kids, at the mall I work at. They hold hands and kiss and laugh and goof off. They think the books with sexual names are hilarious. I saw a girl just staring at her boyfriend while they were walking hand in hand, a huge smile on her face. What makes them so happy? Is it ignorance? And if that's the case, is that ignorance based in a lack of knowledge of the true love that comes from the Lord? I know a lot of high school guys are only thinking about one thing. I was one of those guys. Sometimes, I turn into that guy. I never chose to shut it off in high school, because all my buddies were pursuing some feeling or moment to brag about later. Why are we so crappy to women as men? Why do women let us do it to them?
We as people need to desperately seek to love one another the way Christ loves us, and we need to do it now. Those songs, from the likes of Dashboard 10 years ago and David Archuleta today, might express the feelings we have for others accurately, but they just amplify them to the point of despair.
So don't cry if you don't get the girl. I'm 26 and still don't have the girl. I've thought I had the girl several times in the past, only to get stuck listening to the love mix CDs I made them a few months before. I met a man tonight at work who was buying a boatload of clothes for his daughter. I asked him what his plans were tonight, just to strike up conversation while I ran up nearly $250 in clothes.
"Oh, not too much. Just going home to see the love of my life."
Huh. Wasn't expecting that.
"Really? That sounds awesome man", I said rather unconvincingly. I smiled at him, but was a little jealous of him, until he dropped this one on me:
"Yep, waited 43 years for her."
Sheesh! 43 years!? Are you kidding me?? High school kids, you get all bent out of shape. Your girlfriend of 6 months dumps you and you freak out, acting like you'll never get another one like that.
a. chances are, you won't
b. that's just fine
Don't try to control your life, or your relationships. Live in love, and God will return that love to you. It'll happen one of these days. If you're waiting on anything, waiting on the Lord is pretty alright to do. And by pretty alright I mean probably better than waiting on winning lottery tickets. Don't think that God doesn't love you if you haven't got someone in your life on a romantic level. Just let it happen man. I had to deal with it all summer, and I'm still dealing with it on some level. But I never turned it into some miserable song that everyone ages 15-35 can relate to on some superficial, hyper-emotional level. Just let it go.
In other news, I'm not entirely sure about what I've just written. Feel free to comment away about it. It's ridiculous, and it's midnight. Also, I love you. Unconditionally. Ha! Heeya.
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